" ‘आटे बाटे चने चबा के,कोकलिया के कान कटा के’ , कोमल सी हथेली पुचकारते हुए 'ये बिल्ली का चौका' ,बच्चे का अंगूठा हिलाकर 'ये गैया का खूँटा' , बड़ी से छोटी उंगलिया पकड़ते हुए " ये अम्मा की, ये बाबा की, ये पापा की , ये मम्मी की , ये मेरी ,नोनू की बछिया खो गई ..खो गई .... खो गई ......, (फिर उंगलिया नाज़ुक सी कलाई से ऊपर धीरे धीरे बगल की तरफ जाती), पा गई... पा गई... पा गई .. और फिर एक बड़ी ही निश्छल ठहाकेदार हँसी पूरे घर को अपनी मासूमियत से महका देती है । मैं जब भी अपने घर जाता तो मेरी भतीजी मेरे पास आकर कहती ' चाचा , आटे बाटे करो ना " और मैं हर बार उसकी इस बचकानी चाहत को पूरा कर देता।

Do You Know About Triggers? I have decided to write this as a break from making up my mind, to write about another experience of my Child Sexual Abuse. The word 'TRIGGER' It sounds exactly like it is. Makes you freeze and then you die, for some time though. Do you know I carry this heaviness with me 24x7, since the time it has happened! It feels like a dark suffocating ghostly load on my upper back. With claws to dig in my skin. My skin that feels things.

Caution! Speak Up About CSA is another segment introduced by LeanOnTree. We know it is a difficult subject and has a potential of causing an emotional riot within the reader. Please do not read this entry, if you can get emotionally vulnerable, overwhelmed or unsettled. Even if you choose to read this, please take good care of yourself. Have comfort food, be around with people who care about you,

My blood boils. You think it will evaporate, leaving me dead and pale after all the irregular menstruation every month, but no. I exist. I still feel the anger in multi folds that I used to. Even after almost a decade now. Wow! About ten years. And it still feels like yesterday. My earliest memory of my sexual abuse is my first cousin feeling my per-pubescent chest and remarking that I don't have any breast.

Let us talk about Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) LeanOnTree urges you to share your writings on the issue of CSA. To let you know, that you are not alone. It can be your story or that of someone you know. With your name, or without it. Do not hold back your words, or feelings this time and let everyone know if you want to speak of it. A Victim? A Survivor? We are making January, the first month of the year, to confront CSA headon. The interpretation and meanings can be as varied as you perceive them to be, so let the words do the talking now rather than hushed secrets.